Squirrel!

We don't have children. This has not kept us from watching and enjoying several "children's" movies, however. These days studios that have traditionally always produced movies strictly for children are injecting expressions and moments into their children's films that are intended to be picked up by more mature audience members. They decided to do this so that the parents who are by necessity watching these movies with their children - hopefully in the theater when they are first released - will not be bored out of their minds. The problem is that sometimes, these "adult moments" are just a bit too overt. At least, I feel that way. There have been a few times that we were watching something obviously targeted to children that had a scene that was just too suggestive for my comfort. If I had children, I would be disturbed to have them watching it. I don't know what would be worse, having them understand some of the things that are meant to "go over their heads" or having them start asking, "What does that mean, Mommy?"

Anyway, despite the fact that we don't have kids, we have seen and in fact own quite a few movies that were made for kids. Hubby and I still quote lines from "Finding Nemo." That movie was so cute. And many of the other movies like it were funny and cute, too. But this post is about a different Disney/Pixar movie. "Up!" came out in 2009 and like so many of the Disney-Pixar movies that have come before it, was a hit. And also like all it's Pixar predecessors, "Up!" was filled with quotable moments. One quote from this movie stands out far and above all the others, however. If you haven't seen the movie, I highly recommend it. Just as a reminder, here is the quote I'm referring to.

As one commenter on another site said, "Who could have guessed that one word could be so epic?" And epic it is. Since the time we saw this movie, shouts of  "squirrel!" have been a common part of our family vocabulary. It's become a bit of a game to see who can shout it first when we see a squirrel while driving down the road - or anywhere else for that matter. But while the scenes and the basis of the quote are obviously founded in the reality that most dogs lose all thought of whatever they were doing when a squirrel catches their eye. the meaning goes far beyond this simple truth. And so "squirrel!" has come to mean more than the literal appearance of the furry little critters known for hoarding nuts. "Squirrel!" is a ubiquitous term referring to any instance where our train of thought or focus is inexplicably broken or snatched away by some transitory thought or event.

My husband has even taken to using the term "squirrelled" to refer to these moments. IE, "I was going into the bedroom but then I squirrelled and forgot what I was doing." He has especially used the reference in recent weeks because of an event that could have no other - or better - explanation than "squirrel!"

A few weeks ago, he drove my car to work because his truck had been acting funny the day before. He always calls me when he gets to work, to let me know he got there safely. This day was no different. I answered the phone. He said, "I'm here...... I wrecked your car." You'd have to know my husband to imagine how casually he said this. He has a devastating sense of sarcasm, which he thankfully reins in with me, but he's also capable of being incredibly deadpan sometimes so that it's often difficult to tell when he's being serious and when he's being sarcastic or joking. Even after 24 years together, I sometimes still have trouble telling when he's being serious. So for a moment I thought, "He's kidding." I think I probably said as much. Then he launched into his explanation of what had happened. I won't go into it because it was a rambling and breathless account that made little to no sense at the time. He forgets, sometimes, that I don't know everything he knows. Meaning he sometimes talks about situations or people or things, especially from his work, like I actually have personal knowledge of them. Which I don't. Not most of them, anyway. This event was no different. He was talking about a light and didn't seem to hear me when I asked him, "what light?" Then he mentioned that he looked down at the radio to turn it down and that's when it happened. He hit the cement base for a lamp post in the parking lot. The lamp post itself was apparently already gone, thanks to a semi truck at some point in the past. He hit this thing with the right front of my car and literally tore the bumper off. He made quite an issue of not understanding how it could have done so much damage considering how slow he was going and where he hit.

The long and short of it is, he was distracted first by this light on the building - which I finally later managed to get him to explain was in fact a light he was supposed to make sure was either turned off or on (still not clear on that part). He was trying to figure out if it was on or not. Then he jumped from that to the radio as he thought to turn it down so that he could call me to let me know he was there. And somewhere amid all that, he collided with the lamp post base. Later, he summed it up very succinctly by saying he "squirrelled." Since then, the term has become even more prevalent in our conversation. (My car has been fixed now, and looks better than it has in years. A blessing for sure.)

I've seen tee shirts that deal with this phenomena of sudden loss of focus by poking fun at how easily we are sometimes distracted by something "shiny."

And I own a shirt that pokes fun at the loss of focus associated with chemotherapy, called "Chemonesia" by the very creative designer of the shirt. Having experienced this firsthand, I can attest to how difficult it was to keep my train of thought, even while speaking. There were times that I would literally lose what I was saying in the middle of saying it. Thankfully, that seems to have stopped along with the chemo.

The point is, we are prone to being easily distracted, especially by fleeting thoughts and objects that flash like a mirror in the sun so that they immediately snag our attention. (This post is itself a testament to my own issues with difficulty maintaining my focus. I started it two days ago!)

Generally, these little distractions that pop up are harmless. They come and go, catching our focus for a moment or two, then we go right on with whatever we were doing. (Just like the dogs from "Up!") But sometimes, those distractions rob us of something important. They can interrupt our peace, intrude upon on times of prayer and meditation on the Word, and disrupt our thoughts when we're on the verge of gaining enlightenment. I've had this happen to me. I'll be reading my Bible, talking to the Lord, or listening to a sermon that's stomping all over my toes and suddenly, "squirrel!" Something completely random will pop into my head, or some flicker of movement or flash of light will jerk my attention away. Sometimes I can shake it off and get right back to where I was. But sometimes whatever I was on the verge of grasping is simply lost. The question arises, is this a tactic of the devil or a failing within myself?

I'm not a proponent of blaming everything on Satan. He's out there and he certainly does his best to get in our way whenever he can. But doesn't the Bible teach us that we are the ones with the power? That we can drive him away with the mere mention of the name of Christ? That if we make the effort to resist him, he will flee from us? Then why is it that we so often try to blame him for the problems in our spiritual lives?

I think that perhaps we are the ones failing to resist his lures. We let our minds wander when we should have them wholly focused on God. We place less importance upon our devotion and worship than upon the fleeting things of this life. We let thoughts about spouses, children, work, and countless other things, both large and small, intrude upon the time we ought to be wholly devoting to God.

Fortunately for us, God is utterly faithful. He tolerates our finite little minds wandering all over the place while He is trying to talk to us. He gently draws our attention back to Him when we've let it drift off to something else. He waits patiently for us to chase the squirrels that catch our eyes, and remains right there for us to come back to once we're finished with the chase. God's amazing, like that. I only wish I could do a better job of ignoring the squirrels. Because I hate thinking that I might miss out on something magnificent that God is trying to reveal to me simply because I couldn't stop myself from thinking about the laundry that I need to do or the grocery list or something else equally unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Perhaps it is like any other skill. Focus needs to be exercised and practiced to be strong. And that's where I fail so often. I don't practice like I should. I don't devote enough time to focus on the things of God. If I did, maybe the squirrels would be easier to ignore.

Right now, I'm trying desperately to ignore the intrusion of a desire to go scrounge up something to eat. [sigh] I'm hungry and that's just not easy to ignore. Nor is my dog, who is apparently needing to go out. (He doesn't bark or whine at me. He just won't sit or lay still for any length of time. And when he really gets desperate, he chomps his teeth at me.) Then there's the washing machine that dinged a while ago, letting me know I need to toss the sheets into the dryer if I want to sleep in my bed tonight. Oh, and there's the reminder I have programmed into my iPad that nags me until I finally get up and go change the bag in my litter robot. (Have I posted about this thing? It's amazing. Only has to be emptied every several days and by empty I mean take out the sack that collects the "waste" and put in a new bag. Takes all of two minutes. Thank You, Lord, for technological advances!) [sigh, again] My stomach is rumbling. Doggone it!

Oh, well. Might as well get up and deal with all the distractions. Then maybe I'll be able to focus on reading my Bible without - squirrel!

Dedication...

Okay. For those of you who don't know me personally, I'm a procrastinator. My mother used to tell me all the time that Procrastination should have been my middle name. I am always thinking of things I need to do or ought to do or even just want to do yet actually doing them is often a serious problem for me. I'm a crafty kind of person and really enjoy doing a lot of different things, which just adds to my collection of UFOs. (UnFinished Objects) I'm a pack rat because I'm forever looking at things and thinking, "Oh, I would love to make one of those," or, "I just know I can use that sometime for something." A great case in point is the countless patterns I have for various projects, from purses to miscellaneous jewelry to cross stitch. I collect patterns like I collect fabric. (Yes, it's an addiction. No, I have not sought professional help for it.)

Along with all my craft stuff, I also collect books. I am an avid reader. I got it from my mother, who was a heavy reader herself. Some of my earliest memories are of her reading to me. I had a "Bible Stories for Kids" book that was well worn. But there were a lot of fairy tales, too. And as I got older, a whole host of other books. Then I started reading for myself and the library became one of my favorite places in the world. We had this book case that sat in our hallway. It held our World Book Encyclopedias - my source for all sorts of in formation in the days before we all had access to the internet and it's infinite supply of "knowledge." Along with the encyclopedias, though, was an extensive collection of books I'd picked up through the years. From my earliest days of reading right through high school. My mother was a teacher's assistant and she used my books as her own personal library when she was looking for something new to read to her class of 2nd graders.

These days, I still collect books. I still have my "Bible Stories for Kids" as well as the fairy tales my mother read to me when I was a child. I've added a few others in my adult years, including the complete "Lord of the Rings" series as well as the Narnia books - both gifts from my husband because he knows how much I love to read. There was a time when I had literally hundreds of miscellaneous books that I'd picked up through the years, though I have since gotten rid of the vast majority of them in the interest of reducing clutter. Most of them went to Goodwill or the library. I still have plenty of books on hand, though. Including a rather large assortment of Bibles. I have my children's Bible. It has a cutesy cover and several illustrations of some of the major highlights. I have the Bible a boyfriend got me when I made it to my teens and that kids Bible just became a little absurd for me to carry. I have the Bible my mother carried most of her life and the one my father bought her to replace it. I have my father's Bible, complete with "autographs" of visiting preachers inside the inner cover.

In addition to all these "old" Bibles, I have a number of "new" ones. My husband and I have identical study Bibles that were given to us by our former church. (Amusingly, we actually have four of these Bibles because my husband has worn his first one out to the point that entire sections of it have fallen out. He still insists on using it to read from morning and night, though. His new one is his "go to church" Bible.) Then there are my parallel Bibles, one of which I used to take to church with me on a regular basis. I have a very small Bible that I carried in my purse for a while since I read somewhere that it was a good way to get in some extra reading time. It could be pulled out while waiting at a doctor's office or at the mechanic or wherever. These days my Bible is a program on my iPad. Just yesterday I was showing it off at church. That thing has been one of the best things in the world for me and I love it. I use it every single day for countless things from my Bible to checking email to my calender and my medical history. It has been a great blessing and also holds dozens of ebooks. Now I can take my "library" with me wherever I go.

Along with my Bibles are my collection of song books. I've got old ones and new ones, several old hymnals, and an entire satchel full of sheet music and song lyrics. (Music is about as much an obsession as reading,) I have enough cookbooks to open my own restaurant and cook a different recipe every meal of every day for the rest of my life without having to repeat anything. I've also amassed an impressive number of "For Dummies" books. And, last but not least, is my significant collection of Bible studies and other Christian literature.

I'm a big Beth Moore fan and have several of her books. I love the idea of Bible studies so I have several of them. Some in book form. Some individual studies I've downloaded from the internet. Some entire series that I have saved on my computer or bookmarked in my browser or otherwise made note of for some eventual day when I decide to make the time to do them. Needless to say, they number about the same as the recipes. I could never do them all. Yet I still collect them.

The sad reality is, I don't do them because I'm always finding something else to do. My attention span seems to be unfortunately short. It has always tended to wander a bit, but going through the chemo didn't help matters any. During the height of the treatment, I could barely keep my mind focused for more than a minute on anything at all. I bought a shirt that makes light of that particular side effect.

Zazzle Page for this shirt

It's a lot better than it was, but I still catch myself having trouble keeping my focus sometimes. Anyway, all these Bible studies and books and Bibles are just sitting around, waiting for me to get myself in gear and put them to good use. I just need to commit myself. Which brings me to the real point of this post.

I mentioned my husband's Bible which he reads each morning and evening. He's gone through the entire Bible like this a few times now. I've been a Christian since my teens and know my way around my Bible fairly well. I've got a lot of various verses locked away in my head, mostly from so many years of being in church and hearing them read. Memorization has never been my strong suit. I can and have done it, but only in small spurts. Likewise, regular dedication to reading my Bible is one of my serious failings.

It isn't that I don't want to or that I don't like to or that I don't think it's important. I do. I'm always amazed at the way God can take a verse or a passage we've read a dozen times and reveal some new aspect of it on that thirteenth - or even fiftieth - time through. And there's no doubt at all that consistent reading and study of God's Word is important, even necessary. But like so many other things in my life, I just keep putting it off until "tomorrow." In all my years as a child of God, one thing I have never committed myself to is a front to back reading of His Word. I feel like that's something I really need to do.

Now, let me quantify that by saying that I don't put much stock in reading "by rote." It's kinda like repeating the same words of a prayer over and over and over again as a matter of tradition. Like countless other Christians, I know The Lord's Prayer by heart. I don't "pray" it as a matter of routine, however. I don't think that's why it was given to us. In fact, Jesus warned directly against "vain repetition" right before He gave us His prayer.  

But when ye pray, use not vain repetitions, as the heathen do: for they think that they shall be heard for their much speaking. Matthew 6:7 (KJV)

Too often I think cover to cover reading of the Bible winds up being a bit like routine repetition of The Lord's Prayer. It loses it's meaning through excessive repeating. This isn't to say that reading the Bible front to back is a fruitless exercise, but it has to be done for the right reason and with the right "heart." Otherwise it's a vain exercise, just like the prayer. I don't think God likes it when we turn our worship of Him into an exercise we can "do in our sleep." That just sucks all the depth and real meaning right out of it.

As I said, I've never done a cover to cover reading of the Bible. I read verses and chapters and passages more or less at random, or as part of a Bible study or a church service or when looking for something in particular. It's possible that through this approach I have managed to read every verse in the Bible at some point or another, but it isn't quite the same as a deliberate, dedicated devotion to ensuring that I have read them all. Moreover, that I haven't just read them, but that I've taken the time to consider what they have to tell me.

I mentioned in my last post that I am a part of an online community of Christians called Worthy Christian Forums. I love the site and have learned a lot since I joined it over a year ago. I have also "met" some wonderful Christians there. It's an awesome representation of the body of Christ, in that we are all so different, from different places both geographically and spiritually. Meaning we have members ranging from "babes in Christ" to "elders" who can offer tremendous wisdom from a lifetime of walking with the Lord. We have comedians who keep us all laughing and theologians who make us all think. And there are the encouragers, members who lift us when we're down or prod us to dedicate ourselves more faithfully to God. One of these members started a thread several weeks ago asking the administers and moderators at Worthy if some sort of group could be started that would be dedicated to reading through the Bible chronologically in 90 days. After some back and forth with one of our mods, she started up a new thread spreading the word about the project.

She started a group on Facebook called Chronological Bible in 90 Days. There are 28 of us who have joined that group so far. Presumably all of us are committing to at least doing the reading, though the goal is to do more than that. We read, yes, but we are planning to also post our progress in SOAP format.

S = a scripture or passage that really stood out to you that day
O = your observation about the scripture's context
A = how you can apply this passage to your life
P= a simple prayer to wrap things up.

My first thought when I read about her idea was, "cool." Then it was, "wow, 90 days?" Then came, "Yeah, I can't even make myself read a single verse every day." Which immediately led to me thinking that I ought to be ashamed of that and that God certainly deserved more than what I was giving Him. So I jumped into the fray and committed myself to participating.

Most of the time I'm excited about it and looking forward to the challenge. Then I have days like today when I wake up with a migraine and have to force myself to sit down and write the post I've been planning to do about this project for a while now. Days like this aren't particularly conducive to "growing in grace and knowledge of the Lord." I'm tired, hurting, and irritable. I'd rather be asleep, where I can get away from the pain in my head, even for a little while. But once our project starts, I won't be able to ignore it or put it off. Because what's the point of making the commitment if I'm not determined to stick with it even when I don't feel like it?

The truth is, I need this. I need to immerse myself in God's Word, to dig into it and see what He has to tell me. Yesterday in church our pastor confessed that lately he hasn't been feeling excited about reading the Bible. (He's the kind of man who has no problem at all admitting that he isn't perfect, which is one of the reasons we love him.) He flat out said it wasn't God's fault, that God's Word had not lost any of its power or meaning, but that he was the one to blame. Because God never moves, He never pushes us away or withdraws from us. We are the ones who move away from Him.

It's tempting to sit here and say that I need to get myself back in the "mood" to be devoted to God. That I need to "get my head and/or heart right" before I try to undertake something as big as reading through the Bible in 90 days. But that's a lie. What I need is to just get myself into God's Word. I need to start reading, to dive in head first and trust God to do the rest. I need to make a commitment and refuse to back away from it. I need dedication, to make a promise to God that I will be there, that I will meet Him every single day with my heart and mind open to whatever He has to teach me. So that's what I'm doing.

Starting this coming Thursday, July 21, our little group will begin our journey through the Bible. If you're up for the challenge, join us. Don't let anyone, including yourself, tell you that you can't do it. Don't let the problems and busyness of day to day life keep you from making a commitment to do something big. Whether it's this Bible reading project or some other thing God's called you to do that you keep putting off.

Life never stops. It doesn't slow down or give vacations or time off. I have a treatment on Thursday. I'll be tired and scattered. I won't feel like doing anything at all, much less something that's going to require me to actually focus and pay serious attention. But I refuse to surrender to that voice in the back of my head that keeps trying to tell me that I can't do it. That I shouldn't have committed myself to this. Christie, the woman who started the whole thing, has just found out that she's going to be facing a trip to visit her daughter for the birth of a grand child, as well as a completely unexpected move from Las Vegas to Texas, all right in the middle of our 90 days. You think she isn't tempted to call it all off? Think she hasn't had a few moments when she thought, "Gee, Lord, I was trying to do something for You, here. You could have held off on all the big events until afterwards!" Want to know what she ultimately said, though?

i was starting to feel overwhelmed, because of the florida trip for the birth of my grandson in the middle of this 90 day schedule. so what does God do? he drops a cross-country move into the mix, and then whispers that i'm going to NEED this much time in His word every day to keep my sanity! (Posted on the group wall on Facebook.)

Man, I love that! I love that despite the craziness of it all, she can see God's hand at work in her life. And that's why I'm doing it. Why I'm committed in spite of my heavy leanings toward procrastination. I want to make this promise to God, I want to set my mind on Him, on His Word, on a determination to stick to it no matter what comes my way. I want to remind myself that the only way I can do anything at all is by relying on Him to get me through it. I want to take a leap of faith and trust that He will help me focus and stay faithful.

Life is hectic. We have countless distractions, both unavoidable and those we allow to creep in. But nothing can overshadow God if we refuse to allow it to do so. Nothing: no trial, no trouble, no emotion, no physical pain or weakness, no character flaw. God is the conqueror of all our failings, if we will allow Him to be. As one of my favorite songs says, "God will take away your pain if you choose to let it go." It doesn't just apply to pain. It applies to any and all obstacles to our walk with Him. It's all about our willingness to "let go and let God." We can do all things through Christ. Not on our own. So I'm going to be relying on God to keep me going as I do this.

If you would, please keep us in your prayers as we embark on this effort. We'll all be facing our own obstacles as we go through this reading schedule. We'll need God's strength to stay faithful to our commitment. And like I said, if there's something you're feeling led to do, don't let anything get in your way. God deserves our devotion and dedication. Remember that every time we put off answering His call, we are telling Him that He's just not as important as whatever it is we're choosing to do instead.

The Global Connection.....

I am fairly computer savvy. Not brilliant. Not by a long shot. No one will ever have to worry about me turning into a computer hacker or programmer. I missed that boat by a few years. I come from the generation that grew up right when computers were just starting to become available to the general public. An Atari was as close as we got. I was out of high school and living with my husband when I finally got my first home computer. It still used big ol' 8" floppy discs and had no internal memory to speak of. Then again, it was a clearance special from an outlet store. LOL

Had I come along a few years later, I might have grown up with a personal computer in the house. I might have learned to type on it instead of the ancient typewriter my mother kept in a closet. [DING!] I might have learned BIOS right along with English. But, I didn't. I missed it by a few years. I can actually remember an article in a "3-2-1 Contact" magazine that predicted how we would all have home computers one day and that we would actually use them to shop, to order things without ever having to leave the house. I was in such awe of that. I can remember telling my mother all about it, being so amazed at the very idea of being able to connect with the local Piggly Wiggly or Wal-Mart from home. (Not sure if Piggly Wiggly is even still around. We had 2 of them in my home town and Mark still laughs about it to this day.) As a kid, the notion of connecting to a store across town was fantastic. I couldn't even imagine being able to connect to the entire world.

These days most of us are indeed connected. We have home computers, not even desktops any longer, but laptops that we move around with, that give us the freedom to make and maintain connections from almost anywhere to almost anywhere on the planet. And laptops are probably on their way out, too, as they get smaller and smaller, hold more and more memory and speed and technology. Net books are rising fast, never mind things like iPads. (Lord, above, I LOVE my iPad!) I've had my iPad for over a year now (it's a 1st gen) and it has made me ignore my laptop a lot. I use the laptop for stuff like this, because let's face it, typing on a screen even as large as the one on a iPad is a pain. And I'm just too cheap to pick up a keyboard for it, especially when I have my laptop and when a big part of what I love about my iPad is its portability. If I start adding a bunch of accessories like a keyboard and mouse, then it ceases to be quite so portable.

Add a smart phone to the laptop and iPad and I guess I'm as "plugged in" as the next person. Yet, even with all this, I am still not as connected as many out there. I have a Facebook page. I use it to keep up with family and friends that are scattered all over the country. My husband's Facebook friends are global. Places like England and Dubai. I am a member of an online Christian community called Worthy Christian Forums that has members from all over the globe. Australia, Canada, South Africa, England, Israel, America. We come together to share thoughts and testimonies about our Christian beliefs and walks. We pray for each other, uplift each other, learn from each other, all without having ever once met in person. I share photos I take online at Flickr, and in turn enjoy the incredible photos of others. Obviously, I have this blog that allows me to ramble on about whatever is on my mind which others can then read and comment on if they so choose. I read blogs of others. All people I don't actually "know." How incredible that we can reach out and "touch" each other no matter how far apart we are!

Finally, I have a Twitter account. This is, however, one social networking tool that I have ignored for the most part. I'd say it's mostly because I'm cheap and as such, do not carry a texting package on my phone. ;-) If I could send and receive texts without having to pay for them, then I'd probably be just as into Twitter as all the rest. Though, seriously, I do wonder why anyone thinks we would care about the mundane minutia of their daily lives. There's some of this on Facebook, with status updates that tell us someone is eating popcorn, or watching TV, or sitting in a park, or something else that means nothing at all. But Twitter is the home of inane, pointless drivel. I do follow a few people, though I don't know why, since I only stop by my Twitter account once every month or so. That pretty much defeats the entire purpose of having Twitter. Especially since at least half the people and/or organizations I follow are news related. LOL Still, I recognize the power of Twitter and the potential it has to be an incredibly useful tool.

Case in point:

I am have been vaguely familiar with Sherwood Baptist Church's Christian movie ministry for a while. These are the people behind the movies, Flywheel, Facing the Giants, and Fireproof. Their newest movie, Courageous, is due to be released September 30th. They are a Southern Baptist Church located in Albany, GA. I recently saw them mentioned on the TLC show "19 Kids and Counting" when Jim Bob and his kids took part in filming while visiting the set. This was back when Michelle was still in Little Rock with Josie. Anyway, even more recently somehow, someway, through one of my social internet connections, I was told about the movie, Courageous. I went to look it up and did some browsing on the Sherwood BC site, read some of the stuff from their pastor Michael Catt's blog, and decided to follow him. I'm marginally better with keeping up with the blogs I follow than I am with my Twitter account since I use Google Reader to keep me abreast of the blogs and news and other things I take interest in. I do still sometimes let a few days go by without checking it, though.

Last week, Michael Catt posted "Oh Be Careful Little Hands What You Tweet." I don't follow him on Twitter because, well, I don't "follow" the people I already follow, so why bother adding anyone new? That's why I subscribed to his blog. Yet this post really spoke to me. It drove home just how connected we all are and how God can and does use technology to accomplish His purposes. It also reminded me just how careful we all need to be with what we say and do, whether online or in person, since we never know just who might be listening or who might read what we've said. In Michael's case, he posted a comment about the recent gaff by NBC where they absurdly removed the words "Under God" from the Pledge of Allegiance at the start of the 2011 US Open Golf Tournament. (That is a whole 'nother rant!)

He mentioned that if they couldn't get something that simple right, then how are we supposed to trust them on "big" things? Good question. And one that was picked up by the New York Daily News when they wrote an article about the omission. One must understand how Twitter works to appreciate what this meant for Michael. Twitter is driven by what is known as "trending." A topic or a person or an idea becomes popular with a few well-known or heavily followed members and suddenly, he/she/it is being commented on and followed by thousands more. Getting your name in the limelight is a good way to suddenly find yourself being followed by untold numbers of people across the globe. This is what happened to Michael Catt. He didn't realize it, though, until a few days later when, while sitting at home, he decided to post a thought that he'd been dwelling on.

“What if 1,000 pastors starting calling for prayer, repentance and revival? What we have is not working.”

So simple. So down to earth. An idea from one pastor to other pastors. A heartfelt query as to what could be done to change the growing apathy that seems so terribly rampant within our churches today. As leaders of our churches, our pastors guide us. If they devote themselves to prayer, repentance and revival, then call upon their congregations to do the same, what might it lead to? Michael Catt tossed this idea out there as it came to him and never expected the response he would get.

Within the first hour, he said he'd received responses from all over the U.S. and even from as far away as India. Pastors everywhere were responding that they were "in." They would join him in a call for revival in God's house. Michael talks about it far better than I could, so I encourage you to read his post.

I have no idea if this will become a true movement within the Body of Christ. I hope and pray it does, as true revival seems to be a thing of the past. What I am amazed by, however, is just how quickly and easily Christians from around the globe were able to read of this and respond to it. As Michael Catt says, we have become lukewarm as a people. We sit here and whine and grumble about the state of this nation, but ignore the states of our own hearts and homes. We follow the routine of attending church without more than a token thought for God or His Son or the guidance of His Spirit. Mediocre has become "good enough." We have not only lost our love for God, true, life-altering love and adoration of the One who created us, but we have lost our hunger for holiness. We talk a good game, but when push comes to shove, we place our own selfish thoughts and desires before anything else.

We are faithless in our service because it's inconvenient. We make excuses for why we can't or won't go beyond the traditional service "schedule." Heaven forbid we suggest that anyone devote even more time to God than Sunday morning, evening and a Wednesday night service. We have allowed the world and worldly thoughts and emotions to keep us from being true servants, from following after David and being men (and women) after God's own heart.

I'm not just talking about others out there. Though I've seen it first hand in others, I must first look at myself. I have failed God. I have allowed myself to stay out of His house, to avoid dutiful and fruitful study of His Word. I have allowed myself to become lukewarm in a time when we all should be on fire.

Atheists would call it laughable. Certainly I've heard it said all my life that we are rapidly approaching the final days. Perhaps we are already in them. Maybe this world is on the cusp of the final moments of its fallen life. So much of what we see seems to be indicating as much. And if we aren't, if God intends to allow this world to continue, then how much worse will it get? Every single day of the past week someone has been shot in the nearest large city. On one day, two different people lost their lives in violence.

There are copious warnings within the Bible about the coming of the end. In a nut shell, we are told that things will get worse and worse and worse. Everywhere I look, I see pain and grief and hatred and violence. Life has lost its value. And what are God's children doing in these troublesome times? Nothing. We're going to our churches, shaking our heads and clicking our tongues in dismay at what we see on the news, then flipping the channel to our favorite sport or sitcom and forgetting all about the state of the world.

And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:24-25 (NKJV)

Is the Day approaching? Are we nearing the end? I don't know when God will say, "Enough." I don't know when He'll look out upon His creation and say, once and for all, "It is done." I do know that we, as Christians, have shirked our responsibility to each other and to the lost. We are so lazy that we refuse to study the Word for ourselves and so simply repeat the dogma we hear others speak. We are so wrapped up in our own lives that we find it easy to justify skipping church whenever we like. We put our interests before God. We put our families before God. We rely upon our personal thoughts instead of letting God guide us into thinking as He does.

This post by Michael Catt struck home with me because it convicted me of my own failings. We are to lift each other up. To encourage and strengthen one another. A large part of this is done by the fellowship shared by attending church regularly. But how can we do this if we don't bother to show up?

The internet has giving us the ability to connect globally. We can seek out those who share our views or those who oppose them. We can share testimonies about our personal walk with God that can uplift and encourage people we will never meet this side of heaven. All of this is good and beneficial. But it does not take the place of the personal assembly of God's people. We need that one on one connection, the personal closeness gained only by assembling ourselves together where we can lift each other up and provide both spiritual and physical support.

We need revival. And it must begin within each of us. We must seek God's face alone so that we can have power when we seek him as a group. Revival cannot and will not begin because a group of pastors decides we need it. It won't even come if those pastors in turn spread the word that it is needed among their congregations. It will only come when every Christian opens their heart to God as an individual. When we seek His face and His will with no hesitation or reservation. Until that happens, we will just keep right on rolling down the path we're currently on. Weak, divisive, and lukewarm.

The Mysterious, Incredible, Undeniable Hand of God...

I have been a Christian for a long time. I was in my early teens when I got saved and I just turned 40 - you can do the math if you want. In the years since I gave my lift to Christ, I have grown in knowledge and understanding, gaining wisdom that only comes with time and a willingness to admit you need to be taught. Gosh, that sounds kinda arrogant! Let me make myself perfectly clear. I'm not saying I have all the answers, or even a lot of them. Sometimes I wonder if I know anything at all. But I think that's a good place for a Christian to be.

"Be not wise in thine own eyes: fear the LORD, and depart from evil." Proverbs 3:7 (KJV)

 In Matthew 18, Jesus talks about being humble like a child. While it might be debatable about just how humble most children are today, the fact remains that small children are trusting like no adult. They rely on their parents for everything from food to shelter to love and everything in between. And they do so without hesitation or question. This is what I have come to believe God wants from all of His children. Simple trust that He is always in control, that He loves us, and that He will never, ever do anything that isn't in our best interest. And this is the heart of the wisdom I have gained since my salvation all those years ago.

While I had little understanding or recognition of it at the time, God was planning and working and calling me long before I answered Him. God's like that, you see. He uses all sorts of people, events, and things to catch our attention or to guide us to where He wants us to be. It can be hard to see His hand at work when we are in the middle of all the action. You know that whole "forest for the trees" thing. And it is doubly difficult for a soon to be or new Christian to recognize the evidence of our Lord at work. Newbies or those on the verge of giving in to God rarely have any discernment at all. We just drift along, perhaps feeling the tug of an unseen current, but generally unaware of how or why it is there or where it is taking us. I am profoundly grateful that God has seen fit to let my eyes be opened in regards to this. These days I see His hand everywhere!

There are times when I am practically bursting with joy and thankfulness as I see evidence of Him around me. Sometimes it is just the mere beauty of a day, or the touch of my husband's hand on mine, or the melody or words of a song that come at precisely the moment I need them. Sometimes it's that still, small voice whispering within that gives me some desperately needed bit of guidance, understanding, or comfort. And sometimes it is the odd congruence of multiple events that most would consider coincidence but that I cannot help but attribute to the Creator of the universe. See, I don't believe in luck. I don't much believe in coincidence. I don't subscribe to the eastern philosophy of Karma or fate, but I believe with every fiber of my being that God has a grand plan for every soul on Earth and that He is constantly working in every single life to bring that plan to completion.

All this has led me to be very sensitive to God's movement in my life. I see Him everywhere and in everything. From the song that plays on the radio to the emails friends send me to the random websites that pop up when I'm doing some kind of web search. Sure, there are plenty of things out there that have less to do with God than with this world or even the devil as he tries to lure me away, but so often I see God working in everyday moments.

One of them came today. I got up and picked up my computer to glance through my email. One of my very best friends (and a woman I respect more than she will every know) had forwarded an email to me. I get quite a few things from her, sometimes funny, sometimes touching, sometimes thought provoking, always welcome.

In case there's any doubt, I'm talking about you, Carolyn.

Carolyn is an artist whose work can be found on Etsy, & Craftsu. You can see images of just a small sample of her work on both Flickr and Picasa. She makes "how to" videos of all sorts and video collages of her work which she posts on YouTube. And she has two blogs here at Blogger as well. Carolyn's Canvas is where she shares her crafts, the inspiration behind them, and little bits and pieces of day to day life. The Alabaster Box is where she shares the countless ways God has influenced and touched her life and the way she praises and glorifies Him in return.

If you take the time to read or view much of her stuff, you will quickly find out that she has a rapier wit and a servant's heart. I love both of those parts of her equally. We are never together that we don't laugh repeatedly. Joy and humor are big parts of what get me through my darkest hours but that's another post!

Carolyn sends me emails which she forwards from other friends and family quite often. This morning she sent me one containing a story that I'm fairly sure I've read before. I'll reprint it here so you can share it's message, which is a very good one.

The Refiner's Touch There was a group of women in a Bible study on the book of Malachi.  As they were studying chapter three they came across verse three which says, "He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." This verse puzzled the women and they wondered what this statement meant about the character and nature of God. One of the women offered to find out about the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible study. That week the woman called up a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest in silver beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that, in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest so as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot - then she thought again about the verse, that He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver. She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the silver the entire time it was in the fire. For if the silver was left even a moment too long in the flames, it would be destroyed. The woman was silent for a moment. Then she asked the silversmith, "How do you know when the silver is fully refined?"  He smiled at her and answered, "Oh, that's the easy part -- when I see my image reflected in it." If today you are feeling the heat of the fire, remember that God has His eye on you and will keep His hand on you and watch over you until He sees His image in you. Pass this on right now. This very moment, someone needs to know that God is watching over them, and that whatever they're going through, they'll are NOT ALONE, and will be a better person in the end.

 The version I received had a quote at the end that was incomplete. I decided to try to look up the story online to see what the rest of that quote was. I found the above version of the story on a site called The Clarion Call. It did not include the quote I was looking for, so I did a different search for it and found it elsewhere.

"Life is a coin. You can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once."
— Lillian Dickson

 Now, I started out looking for a quote. (I do this kind of thing ALL the time, often with similar results.) At the end of the above story on The Clarion Call was an addendum which follows.

NOTE FROM KAY:  I verified that the information in this story was true.  I contacted a silversmith at www.silversmithing.com and asked if there were any untruths in the silver-smithing parts.

I received the following response from Fred Zweig:  "I am familiar with the verse from Malachi.  The similarities of actual refining and the chapter and verse from the Bible are accurate.  It is important not to overheat the silver when refined in this process and clean molten silver will shine with a mirror-like quality when it is ready to pour.  The high temperatures do volatize the impurities and form on the surface as dross.  It is important to be attentive to the molten metal as it does it no good to overheat it.  It may not destroy the silver, but silver has an affinity for absorbing oxygen and this can make it unworkable."

Being the wildly curious person that I am, I wondered just who Kay was. So I backed out to the home page of The Clarion Call to find out. It turns out she is Kay Meyerett, the creator of the site. I have hardly had a chance to do more than a cursory glance at the site, as it is quite extensive but two things caught my eye right off the bat.

First: At the end of the home menu page I linked to earlier, I read this, "I do know one thing for sure and that is that God brought you here. That must mean there is something here for you!" I am a firm believer in just such things. God leads us where He wants us to go so that we can learn new things about Him or ourselves that can then be used in our spiritual and/or physical lives. I appreciated knowing Kay saw His hand at work as much as I did.

Second: A little further down the page, right before the links that would take one to the various articles, studies, stories, poems, and other things on the site was this:

WARNING!!
You need to know how to determine what is true and what is not true about the things of God.  Here's how to:
Determine the Truth of the Matter

My, how I love seeing someone point out the necessity of discernment! So few seem to have it these days. I followed the link and started reading and quickly came across:

~~~~ THIS IS IMPORTANT! ~~~~
THIS IS HOW TO DETERMINE THE TRUTH OF THE MATTER!

Don't believe anything you read here at the Clarion Call.  Don't believe anything you hear at church.  Don't believe anything you hear coming out of any human's mouth!

I am still grinning like a nut even after reading this several times just because I feel a wild rush of appreciation for anyone willing to lay it out so plainly in black and white. She goes on to explain the importance of letting God teach you what is true and what is not. The need of studying and learning the Bible for yourself so that you will be able to recognize the truth when you see it. And the utter necessity of learning to set aside your own sense of logic, fairness, and any and all preconceived notions to allow God to guide you into the understanding needed to be useful to Him.

I don't know Kay. I've just stumbled across her website in what many would consider a matter of happenstance. I read her bio, have not had a chance to read any of her Bible studies, but feel a kinship with her all the same because of the little I have read. I will read more. And in spite of the fact that I like what I've read so far, I will not take anything I read at face value. I will weigh it against the Bible and the whisper of the Holy Spirit within me to determine if it is of use. I will take what is and leave what isn't. But I get the feeling that the useful will outweigh the useless. Because like she said, God brought me there.

And that's what makes me laugh out loud to myself sometimes, and sing at the top of my lungs, and wave my hands to heaven. Because God is there, in the big miracles we see every day, like the whole of creation and the life of Christ, and the person healed of some disease. But He's also there in the moments between the great miracles. In the odd tension in the pit of our stomach that tells us to slow down when we aren't even driving the speed limit so that we can avoid hitting a child that will dart out into the road in front of us only moments later. In the countless little things that pop up to keep us from getting around to going to the store or on a visit or somewhere else where we might have encountered something harmful. In the peace that floods us when we are moments away from a spiritual, emotional, or physical breakdown. In the joy that leads us to praise God when we have every right according to the world and our own human nature to curse Him. And in the seemingly random congruence of a series of events that leads us to a person, place, or even a website were we will find fresh understanding of God.

I'm not posting this to praise Kay Meyerett. Like I said, I don't know her. I could read some of her Bible studies and decide that she's a nut or just plain wrong. But even if all I get from her site is a reminder that God is in control of every moment, every event, every instant of my life, then that's enough.

I pray that everyone else can see God's hand in their life as well. I pray He will reveal Himself to you in a profound way. And I pray that He will continue to reveal Himself to me so that I will never forget how great and wonderful He is.

Simple Truths...

Life is not the way it's supposed to be. It's the way it is. The way you cope with it is what makes the difference.

This was the opening line of an email forwarded to me by a couple of my friends. It struck me that I know so many people out there who spend all their time being angry or disappointed or defeated by the loss of what they believe was their "destiny." We all have dreams when we're kids. Most of us go through a series of "what I want to be when I grow up" phases. Firemen (or women), police officers, cowboys, princesses, teachers, wives, husbands, parents, rock stars... the list goes on and on. For most of us, our dreams change and grow along with us. When I was in my teens I remember an acquaintance who wanted nothing in the world more than to grow up and get married and have babies. There are plenty of women out there who want children with a desire bordering on desperation. Men have their share of obsessions about who and what they want to be and want to have. We are all raised with notions of how life should be. Fairy tales probably don't help matters. They always end with everyone living "happily ever after." Worse, that ending always comes with the implication that "happily ever after" is something that just happens with no work at all. 

I'm not knocking fairy tales. I actually believe "happily ever after" CAN happen. I think it's happened to me. And while I would never, ever tell someone how to raise their children, I find it sad when I see children missing out on the wonder and magic of imagination given free reign. Sure, the real world is out there, lurking, and sooner or later we all have to learn to face it and deal with it. But these days kids seem to be growing up faster and faster all the time and that's a shame. We spend the majority of our lives as adults. Our childhoods ought to be filled with joy and laughter and impossible dreams. Reality hits us all too soon and I, for one, wish kids could hold on to their innocence as long as possible.

The problem is, too many out there grow up thinking they have some kind of RIGHT to get things their way. They get mad when things don't turn out the way they thought they should, or the way they were raised to believe things "should" turn out. As wonderful as the fairy tales are, I think we all need to remember that the real world just doesn't work that way. Like I said, I don't believe "happily ever after" is a myth, I just happen to know that it doesn't come easy and it takes a lot of work. And this is where the trouble starts. I'll use myself as an example.

I was supposed to go to college and get married. I was NOT supposed to wake up one day at 17 to find my mother collapsed on the bathroom floor. I wasn't supposed to be sitting in the ICU of a hospital on the one year anniversary of my engagement waiting for my mother to die. I wasn't supposed to bury my father three years later. I wasn't supposed to find out the day after 9/11 that my sister was dying of cancer. I wasn't supposed to watch my mother-in-law, and best friend, lose the ability to speak because of the terminal brain cancer that killed her. And I wasn't supposed to go in for a routine yearly exam and come out with breast cancer. I was barely 39. I have no family history of breast cancer at all. None of these things were ever a part of my childhood dreams. Until the day my mother died, I never even considered that losing her was a possibility. For a lot of years, I was lost to my anger and grief over this event. It wasn't "supposed" to happen. But it did. All of it.

I've been told by more than one person that I have a "good" or "wonderful" attitude as I deal with having cancer. Compared to the reactions I've seen in some others, I guess my attitude is a good one. But the reality is, I've learned how to face the often painful and ugly realities of life out of necessity. I lost so much time to depression when my mother died. Even today, more than two decades later, I occasionally have flashes of the old anger and grief. Mostly, I just miss her. I miss my father and my sister. I miss my husband's mom. The anger I once felt over the "unfairness" of it all is pretty much gone. Because the fact is, no one ever promised us that life would be fair. God certainly didn't. He never said that we would sail through life with sunny skies and smooth seas. In fact, He pretty much said the opposite. But that's a lesson too few of us seem to learn. 

And this is where that quote above rings so true. Life just never goes the way it's "supposed" to go. Tragedy strikes all the time. One viewing of the news should teach us all that truth. None of the nearly 15,000 who died in Japan expected that to happen. The hundreds who have died in the recent tornadoes that swept through the South didn't plan on that happening. Each person who died in these tragedies left behind family and friends who will now have to grieve. And that's what it all really comes down to. Whether it's the loss of a friend or family member, or the loss of a long held dream, or the loss of personal wealth or health, all of it is loss and inspires varying degrees of grief. How we deal with that grief is what defines us. 

I have learned to just let go of preconceived notions of what should or shouldn't happen. I have learned to change what I can and accept what I can't. In short, I have learned to "let go, and let God." I don't always understand why things happen, but I've learned to trust that there's a reason. Being angry helps no one, especially me. Being angry makes us miserable and just makes it harder on those around us. I sincerely believe that the greatest failing of most parents is that they do not teach their children to have an attitude of thankfulness. As Christians, we are supposed to be thankful even in the midst of trials, to be content with what we have instead of always wanting more and more. As a point of fact, I wish everyone knew God and trusted Him. But even those who choose not to do so would do well to learn to appreciate the blessings of what they have instead of being angry about what they don't. It's not that hard to do. Just open your eyes and take a look around you. You will see someone worse off than you. There is always someone who has it harder. I have lost many of my family members, but at least I had loving family. Some kids grow up without ever knowing what it means to be loved and cared for. I have cancer, but my prognosis is good while there are others out there who are told at their diagnosis that they're unlikely to survive. The side effects of cancer treatment aren't easy, but others reacted much worse than I did. I am just stunned by how many people out there can overlook the fact that however bad their situation, it could ALWAYS be worse!

I have encountered people who were bitter about how their life was going. Bitter and angry that they have an illness like cancer. Bitter and full of rage that someone they cared about died. Mad at God and the entire world because their life didn't turn out precisely the way they thought it should have. My response? GROW UP! Life isn't fair. It isn't a fairy tale. It isn't a bed of roses. Pick whatever metaphor you like. The basic truth is that we just don't always get what we want. Sometimes life can be full of grief and pain and tragedy. Sometimes it seems like we barely overcome one tragedy only to be slapped in the face by a new one. We have the choice to either rise above it or wallow in the grief and anger. The easiest way to do this is to stop feeling so sorry for yourself and recognize that it just is what it is and the only thing to do is keep moving forward. Even more importantly, we need to keep in mind that there is a reason for everything. Considering some of the absolutely horrific things I see on the news every single day, I do wonder what good could possibly come from some of it. The terrible things people do to each other every day are just awful. How could any good come of the unspeakable atrocities that are perpetrated on helpless children? Or the crimes and abuses committed against adults for that matter? How can we find any hint of good or benefit in an ill child or loved one? The answer is always the same. WE CAN'T!!!! Only God knows the ultimate outcome. Only He knows where our journey will take us. Only He can see every single aspect of every moment in time. When we try to understand things with our limited hearts and minds we will fail every single time. Because our human nature gets in the way. We start demanding explanations and answers from the One who created us. We start trying to grasp the infinite with our profoundly finite minds and understanding. I'm not trying to make excuses or avoid the very real issue of doubts and fears. I have just learned through my own personal life that the only way I can face the uncertainty and grief and fear in the world is to trust that God is always and forever in complete control. Whether I understand it all or not, He has a plan. He is at work in every moment of my life. The things that I think I cannot endure are tolerable because He makes it so.

The key to dealing with the unexpected changes to our plans and dreams and desires is to simply trust God to always work things out for the best for us. As Garth Brooks said years ago, "sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers." Though I don't actually believe any prayer is unanswered. Sometimes the answer is just "no." Looking back I can certainly think of seasons in my life when I was utterly convinced that I knew what was best for me, that I simply could not endure to go forward if I didn't get whatever it was I thought I wanted or needed. Like the song, I too had an early love that I thought I couldn't live without. Yet here I am, two and a half decades later with the man God knew I would one day meet and love. And I am profoundly grateful that when I was begging God to keep me and my first boyfriend together that He, in His wisdom, said, "No." Wow, am I grateful for that!! I now cannot imagine my life without my precious husband in it. He is my heart, my best friend and companion. His mere presence lifts my heart. God knew what was right for me. He knew the plans He had for me and for Mark and even though I couldn't see it then, He knew that the grief of that moment would be utterly overwhelmed with the joy of being joined to the "right" man in the future. And this is what life is all about for me. Even though I don't understand it, even though some of the things I see or endure break my heart, I know that somehow, some way, some day there will be good that comes from it. Maybe I won't even see it. Maybe it will be a change in someone else's life that I won't even know about until I learn of it in heaven. I can't know everything now. I can't see everything. But God can. And trusting Him is the only way to live. It's the only way to find peace in a world that seems increasingly ugly and harsh.

Thank you, God, for saying no. Thank You for giving me what I need instead of what I want. And thank You for loving me even when I questioned You.

 

That Still Small Voice...

First off, I meant to get this written and posted last night, but I was just too exhausted to do it. The steroids I had to start taking day before yesterday just would not let me sleep at all Tuesday night, so I was worn out. Anyway, it's a day later than I wanted, but at least it's here.

I had to go to the hospital early yesterday morning to have a scan done of my heart to make sure none of the chemo I've had so far has caused any damage. The next 2 chemos I'm taking are Taxotere and Herceptin. The Herceptin will be a year long event. The Taxotere will consist of 4 courses, taken every 3 weeks. I began the first course yesterday along with the first course of the Herceptin. I'll get it every week while I'm getting the Taxotere, then once that is fiinshed, the Herceptin schedule will move out to every 3 weeks as well.

Mark and I were worried about what to expect with these new meds. We'd gotten used to the side effects of the Adriamycin and Cytoxin, but new meds means new side effects. What worked or didn't work before is all out the window. I'm happy to say that so far, I'm not really having any obvious issues. No nausea at all, praise the Lord! (I was a little worried about it because this time around I wasn't taking one of the nausea meds I took for the A/C.) The Herceptin can cause flu-like symptoms, including fever and body aches, so they gave me Tylenol and Benedryl before they started the infusion. I did not notice anything yesterday, besides the Benedryl making me tired. This morning I woke up with just a tiny bit of joint aching that may or may not have anything to do with the Herceptin. I just took some Tylenol to be safe.

I was so exhausted yesterday that I slept pretty good last night. I woke up too soon, and just had to take another dose of the steroids, so I don't know if I'll get to go back to sleep at some point. If the Decadron kicks in, sleep probably won't happen. Today's the last day I have to take it, though, so that's good news.

Okay, update done. Now I want to talk about how God talked with me yesterday morning. I have devotions I read, several in fact. I try to keep up on reading my Bible, too, though I confess I don't get it done every single day. God knows I regret that and Lord willing, He'll help me be more diligent in that respect. There's a song I know that talks about our tendency to overlook God. About how we could and should pray more, read our Bibles more, etc. But the chorus of the song says, "Sometimes I overlook Him, but He still looks over me." How very true that is. Even when I let life get in my way and I start slacking on my devotion time with God, I know He is still here, patiently waiting for me to remember Him and turn to Him. I'm forever grateful for His great mercy and love and the undeserved patience He shows me when I get just a little too self-centered to keep all my focus on Him.

So, one of the ways I often find that God likes to chat with me is through music. I've loved music, in most all forms, for as long as I can remember. Sometimes it's the music itself, but just as often it's the amazing, powerful, and beautiful lyrics God has gifted so many out there with the talent to write. Honestly, I guess I'd say I would be hard pressed to pick one single artist or group that I could call my absolute favorite. Mostly because I'm pretty eclectic and depending on my mood, I listen to a lot of different styles of music. I've heard some say that there's no such thing as "Contemporary" Christian, or "Country" Christian, or Christian "Rock", etc. I would respectfully beg to differ. I have listened to it all most of my life and I like some of all of it. I own some of all of it, well, not so much the Christian Rock because I just sort of outgrew that as I got older. I lean toward Southern Gospel, Christian Country, and some Contemporary Christian for the most part. (Don't get me wrong, I have a lot of secular music as well, through I don't listen to it nearly as much as I used to. I still love it, from the Eagles, to some Opera, to Classical, to Garth Brooks, to Broadway. PHANTOM OF THE OPERA, I'm talkin' about you! LOL) Like I said, I love music in most all of it's forms. Got that from my parents. They were both musically inclined and could sing. My mother played the piano by ear. Boy do I wish I'd inherited that particular talent. Anyway, music comes in all forms and styles. And nowhere does it say that the only true Christian music is old Bluegrass or songs out of the Hymnals. (Both of which I also happen to like.) Specifically, the Bible mentions "Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;" Eph 5:19, and "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord. And whatsoever ye do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him." Col 3:16-17

Just my opinion, but any song with a strong Christian message, whatever "style" it happens to be in, is a "spiritual song." And if the artist is doing it "in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God and the Father by him," then that's even better. And even having said all this, I can think of more than one beloved and popular Christian song written by artists that do not necessarily live what anyone would call a Christian lifestyle. Kris Kristofferson's "One Day at a Time, Sweet Jesus" comes to mind. And how about "I Saw the Light" by Hank Williams? There are plenty of examples in the Bible of God using unsaved/unbelieving and sometimes downright evil individuals to forward His plans and purposes and message. Sometimes, God gives inspiration to those we least expect and the result is something beautiful that can uplift and encourage us in spite of its origins. Sadly, I can also think of former Christian artists who have written some incredibly powerful music that somehow got lost along their journey and now are so terribly backslidden that it is heartbreaking. The one that comes to my mind - because I have loved his music for years and have sung many, many of his songs because they are so incredibly powerful - is Ray Boltz. He wrote, "The Anchor Holds," "I Pledge Allegiance to the Lamb," "At the Foot of the Cross," and so very many others. Yet, a few years ago he suddenly announced that he was, and always had been, gay. He had a wife and children that he turned his back on to embrace his new "lifestyle." I find it amazing that he still claims to be a Christian and to write what he calls Christian music. He made a choice to put a lifestyle he wanted to live before God, and that's tragic, especially when it is so obvious that God had given him a profound talent. He is not the only Christian artist to do this, either. But my point is, just because he has lost his way does not change the fact that God gave him the inspiration to write songs with wonderful messages. I still love those songs he wrote, and I still sing them. Some may disagree with that choice, but I simply cannot make myself ignore the message of a song just because I know who it came from. God speaks how and when and through whomever He chooses. Even if that person is someone most "good" Christians would have no respect for.

Wow, got a little off the topic I originally wanted to discuss, here. Suffice it to say, I find music a powerful thing. God speaks to me through it all the time. I get in the car and my iPod is hooked up to my radio so I can pick and choose between all the music I own, as well as more than a few audio devotions, if the mood strikes. Usually, I go for the music because I just love to sing along. Anyway, yesterday morning when I got in the car I was really tired from the lack of sleep and I wanted something I knew really well so I could sing along without having to try to remember the words. I chose "Selah," a group that I suppose is considered Contemporary Christian, though they have released an entire album of Hymns. They began as a brother and sister both raised in Africa by their missionary parents and grand parents. They joined up with a college friend and started a group that specializes in absolutely magnificent harmonies and simple, powerful music with unmistakably profound messages. I adore them. I love the harmonies for certain, but more than that, I am amazed at the songs they have written themselves. So much power and obvious love of God.

One of the first songs that came on was "Unredeemed." This song never fails to touch me, but yesterday it seemed to be even more profound to me. The line that gets me every single time is "When anything that's shattered is laid before the Lord, just watch and see, it will not be unredeemed." What we give to God, however dark or painful or utterly broken, He can and will heal and fix. We just have to take that first step of letting Him have control. Here is a beautiful You Tube video someone put together of the song including the lyrics.

Soon after "Unredeemed" came "I Will Carry You (Audrey's Song)." This song was based upon a poem written by Angie Smith, wife of Todd Smith, one of the founding members of Selah. Back in January 2008, they learned that their fourth daughter, Audrey Caroline, was terribly ill. She was still in Angie's womb at the time and there was no doubt that Audrey would not survive. Angie started a blog to chronicle the events that would follow that fateful day that her 20 week ultrasound revealed the terrible news. The story is both heartbreaking and one of the most uplifting that I have every known. I have never lost a child. I cannot even conceive of the grief and agony of such a thing. But Angie, Todd, and Audrey's story is so incredible. How they dealt with what they knew was coming. How they chose to trust God, to let the tragedy draw them nearer to Him. Read the blog if you want to know the full depth of the miracle they experienced.Bring the Rain - Angie Smith's blog, the beginning of the story 

No, Audrey was not miraculously healed. But her parents and family were given a magnificent gift that defied all the expectations and predictions of the doctors. Audrey did not die immediately after birth. She lived for just over two hours, during which time her parents and sisters and grandparents and other family and close friends got to hold her and bathe her and love her and take many photos of this precious baby girl. That time was a pure miracle. Audrey, with her host of health issues, should not have been able to survive outside her mother's womb. Yet she did. For 2 hours, God gave her the breath and life to carry on. This video of her song was posted by Angie herself and includes photos of her, her husband Todd, and their other 3 daughters, as well as many of the photos taken of Audrey after her birth. The words of the song are as powerful as any I have ever heard. Angie's trust in God just shines through the words she wrote. It is the second chorus that brings me chills, because though the words do not change, the meaning does. The first time it's said, it is from Angie's perspective of how she will always carry her daughter with her. The second time is God Himself, promising to do the same for us. He will carry us all our lives. Gives me chills every single time I hear it. Here's the video with the lyrics posted beneath.

There were photographs I wanted to take, Things I wanted to show you
Sing sweet lullabies, wipe your teary eyes, Who could love you like this?

People say that I am brave but I'm not, Truth is I'm barely hanging on
But there's a greater story, Written long before me, Because He loves you like this

So I will carry you While your heart beats here
Long beyond the empty cradle Through the coming years
I will carry you All my life And I will praise the One Who's chosen me To carry you

Such a short time, Such a long road, All this madness But I know
That the silence, Has brought me to His voice, And He says...

I've shown her photographs of time beginning, Walked her through the parted seas
Angel lullabies, no more teary eyes, Who could love her like this?

I will carry you, While your heart beats here,
Long beyond the empty cradle, Through the coming years
I will carry you, All your life, And I will praise the One Who's chosen Me To carry you

I suppose this song, which always brings tears to my eyes, felt even more profound yesterday because Mark had mentioned to me something he'd seen on the tv in the break room at work. It was a story about some man who'd been raised in a strict Christian home. His parents took in a foster child who wound up violently raping this boy when he was around 5, I think Mark said. Anyway, this horrific event caused this boy to decide that any God who would allow him to be so terribly hurt either was evil or uncaring or just plain didn't exist to begin with. He turned his back on God and became a violent man himself. He'd killed someone by beating them to death with a baseball bat.

I cannot begin to list the number of people, both who claim no belief in God and those who do claim to be Christians, who I have heard voice questions about how and/or why God would allow terrible things to happen. There was a lot of that kind of thing going around after 9/11. How can a supposedly loving God simply stand by and watch such terrible things happen? How can He justify letting a defenseless child suffer unspeakable abuses? How can he put someone like Angie and Todd Smith, who have devoted their lives to Him, through the agony of losing a precious child?

The pat answer is that God sees, understands, and knows things that we cannot fathom. He is in charge and we ought to just trust Him in all things. That doesn't help with the pain, though. Not really. Even though it's true, it may not bring any real comfort to someone in the midst of terrible suffering. So, what's the real answer? The answer is us. WE are the ones responsible. God created a perfect world. No pain. No suffering. No sickness. No sorrow. No death. Just a perfect world where His creations could freely and personally interact with Him. It was Adam and Eve who chose to upset that perfection. God warned them that eating from the tree of Knowledge of Good AND Evil would bring death. And it certainly did. But it brought so much more. Pain and suffering, evil and agony. They unleashed every terrible thing upon the world, destroyed God's perfect creation, and the entire world has suffered in countless ways because of it. Their disobedience cursed every single person born since that time. You, me, all of us. It caused the earth itself to be cursed. Every natural disaster that claims countless lives can be blamed on that one moment of weakness. The "circle of life" that we all witness on nature shows did not exist until the fall. Every one of us, whether we want to see it or believe it or not, bears the stain of that first sin. We are guilty because Adam himself was guilty. The evil in this world is not God's fault. It is the fault of those who perpetrate it. It is the result of a fallen, broken world. God is not evil. He is not capable of being evil. He is perfect in all ways and this often results in us, with our tiny, fallen minds being unable to grasp how He could just sit by and let bad things happen. But we make judgments based upon our own limited - and incomplete - understanding. We color everything with our own personal feelings. We use our highly fallible logic and ethics and moral understanding to try to rationalize with the One who created the entire universe. How arrogant we are!

God is our Creator. He loves us. He sacrificed Himself for us. He is patient beyond measure with us as we struggle and often outright insult Him with the choices we make and life we live. We cannot grasp the depth of His knowledge, wisdom, love, and perfect justice. Which is why, when our very human minds and hearts start urging us to question His motives or actions (or lack thereof) we must take a step back and remember that faith is the thing that can carry us through whatever we are facing. Questions or fears or utter devastation can be dealt with and endured simply by trusting that God is, in fact, in control. More importantly, He is aware of all things, past, present, and future. He can see far ahead, beyond the end of our crisis. He knows who our faith might touch, who might be brought to Him because of the life we choose to live. And He knows who might be driven away from Him as well, if we choose to surrender to our doubts and fears. We are so shortsighted. So self-centered. Even at our best, we cannot come close to God's perfection. So we must turn to Him. let Him guide and lead us, and we must trust Him, even when we don't understand the why of a situation.

I have leaned this lesson over most of my lifetime. I admit I've done plenty of questioning God. I've had moments when I quite literally screamed at the heavens in frustration and pain. I still have those tendencies sometimes. But I know, in my heart of hearts, that God's plan is perfect. Whatever comes, whatever happens, He is in complete control and will do what is best for a future I cannot begin to see or comprehend. I still feel fear. I'm human. I still feel pain. I miss my parents and sister and Mark's mother each and every single day. Especially now, as I go through this battle with cancer. I wish they were here. I wish my precious mother could be here to hold my hand and comfort me. I wish my sister could be here to share her experiences with her cancer. I wish Vannie could be here to just be herself, to be my friend and offer her support and love in her sweet way. I feel their loss keenly. But I know God has a plan and I am grateful for the others in my life who are still here with me. My other sister, Debi, who just sent me a sweet card of encouragement. My friends who make me food and cancer hats and just offer me love and laughter and support as I go along. And my precious husband, Mark, who is my rock and my best friend and stunningly patient with me. God has given me great and profound gifts and I cannot help but be thankful for them all.

I hope we can all learn to be grateful even in the midst of a crisis. I hope we can see the blessings through the tears. I hope I never get to a place where I find myself able to justify turning my back on God. And I hope none of my dear loved ones ever get to that place, either. I am just so grateful to God for continuing to speak to me even when I'm not trying to listen. I'm glad that He does not turn His back on me, or withdraw His hand even if I sometimes deserve it. I'm grateful that I can turn on a radio and hear Him speak to me through a song, and that He can use something so simple to pull me back into the center of His will. And I'm thankful that I have a chance to share what He's taught me with others. I'm no evangelist. But I never want anyone I meet to walk away without knowing that I love and trust God. Who knows when something that simple might be the catalyst to cause a complete stranger to turn to Him? God please give me the strength to maintain my faith in You, whatever comes my way.

Streams in the Desert

My dear friend Carolyn is someone I have tons of respect for. I am very thankful that God brought her into my life several years ago. I have never, ever been in her presence that I did not laugh. Not once that I can remember. She's just that kind of person. And so are her sisters. One of her sisters, Shirley, gave me a book a few weeks ago. Shirley is one of those people that just shines with God's grace and love. Her husband has had a number of severe strokes and she barely ever has a chance to get out of the house, though we're hoping that might change soon. Everyone needs a break from time to time. Anyway, back in September Carolyn, our friend (and pastor's wife) Mary, and I went up to Cincinnati to a Quilt and Craft Expo. Shirley lives in Cincy and though she could not get away long enough to come to the expo with us, she did come to the convention center to say hi and to give me this book. It is called, "Streams in the Desert" and is a collection of devotions by L. B. Cowman. It has been edited by Jim Reimann, the same man who edited "My Utmost for His Highest." It is the updated edition, put into modern language for clarity. This blog post title will take you to the Amazon page for the book. You can get access to the original version of the book for free via Crosswalk.com. The original version is by no mean unreadable, it's just not as easy to digest as the Updated Edition.

Shirley included a very sweet personal message to me on the inside page. It begins with, "This book has spoken to my heart straight from the heart of God." How powerful is that! I was so blessed just by the book alone. When I got home and opened it and read Shirley's note, it gave me such a rush of comfort to feel the love and encouragement in her words. I just cannot express how precious both Carolyn and Shirley are to me. They have loved me and been friends to me virtually from the day we first met. They introduce me as a part of their family. They are great gifts from God, and I am profoundly grateful for them.

So, in the post I made yesterday I mentioned how I was struggling with some anxiety over what the future may hold for me. I don't seem to feel a lot of stress, or at least I don't always recognize it consciously. But it is having an impact on me. I mentioned my blood pressure, which is not something I've ever had an issue with in the past. Yet it is and has been high enough for my oncologist to prescribe medication for it. And while I have had an issue with grinding my teeth in my sleep for years, I now catch myself clenching my jaw even while I am awake. Obviously, I'm feeling more anxiety and stress than I realized. I trust God in this situation I am facing. I have no choice. I KNOW He is in control and that whatever comes, whether the next round of chemo is easy or hard, or whether I have a recurrence or metastases in a few months or a few years, or 17 years (as has just happened to one of the ladies on the Cancer Survivors Network, or if I never have to face cancer again. God is in control of everything "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28 (KJV) A little bit more modern:  "And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." Romans 8:28 (NLT)

That is such a simple thing to read, but sometimes so difficult to put into practical use in our lives. It's so easy to give in to the human impulse to question God's motives, to even demand that He change His perfect will and give us what we think is best or what we want. And it is so very easy to lose some of our trust in Him. When we are facing something frightening or potentially devastating, we WANT to have complete trust in God, to utterly rely on what Romans 8:28 tells us. To KNOW, with everything inside us, that WHATEVER happens, God will be there with us and will help us through it and that the end result is and will be exactly what He knows is best. We're frail creatures, always asking questions when we ought to be listening and trusting. I have often wondered how it was that the Israelites could have so easily lost their faith in God when He was right there in their midst as He led them out of Egypt and parted the Red Sea and fed them with manna from heaven, and so many other things. And how in the world could the disciples have been surprised to find the tomb empty that first Easter morning? They had seen Jesus perform countless miracles, including raising the dead back to life, yet despite the fact that Jesus warned them of what was coming and promised them that He would rise again, they ran and hid in fear after His crucifixion and were shocked when the tomb was empty. Why? How? Because they were just like us, like me. It didn't matter how many miracles they'd witnessed. (I've seen my share.) It didn't matter how intimate a relationship they had with God or His Son. (I've known Jesus for many years, since my early teens, yet I still find myself wanting to go my own way.) They were mere men. Filled with all the same flaws that necessitated Christ's death on the Cross. Out of the sight and presence of God, they fell back on their flawed human emotions and understanding. There's a very good reason why we are told over and over again to draw near to God. To stay in His presence. Because outside of it we are too weak to fight our own nature.

So I picked up "Streams in the Desert" today and opened it to October 13th and what do you suppose I saw? This may be copyright infringement, but I'm not making money off this and I'm giving the author and editor credit, so I hope it will be okay. Here is the devotion, as written in the Updated Edition, for October 13. According to the book, all Scripture is taken from the NIV.

Do not be anxious about anything. (Philippians 4:6)

Anxiety should never be found in a believer. In spite of the magnitude, quantity, and diversity of our trials, afflictions, and difficulties, anxiety should not exist under any circumstances. This is because we have a Father in heaven who is almighty, who love His children as He loves His "one and only Son" (John 3:16), and whose complete joy and delight is to continually assist them under all circumstances. We should heed His Word which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."

"In everything" - not simply when our house is on fire or when our beloved spouse and children are gravely ill, but even in the smallest matters of life. We are to take everything to God - little things, very little things, even what the world calls trivial things. Yes, we are to take everything, living all day long in holy fellowship with our heavenly Father and our precious Lord Jesus. We should develop something of a spiritual instinct, causing us to immediately turn to God when a concern keeps us awake at night. During those sleepless nights, we should speak to Him, bringing our various concerns before Him, no matter how small they may be. Also speak to the Lord about any trial you are facing or any difficulties you may have in your family or professional life.

"By prayer and petition" - earnestly pleading, persevering and enduring, and waiting, waiting, waiting on God.

"With thanksgiving" - always laying a good foundation. Even if we have no possessions, there is one thing for which we can always be thankful - that He has saved us from hell. We can also give thanks that He has given us His Holy Word, His Holy Spirit, and the most precious gift of all - His Son. Therefore when we consider all this, we have abundant reasons for thanksgiving. May this be our goal!

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (Philippians 4:7) This is such a wonderful, genuine, and precious blessing that to truly know it, you must experience it, for it "transcends all understanding."

May we take these truths to heart, instinctively walking in them, so the result will be lives that glorify God more abundantly than ever before. George Muller, from Life of Trust

Search your heart several times a day, and if you find something that is disturbing your peace, remember to take the proper steps to restore the calm. Francis de Sales

 Tell me God isn't in charge! He knew how I would be feeling, knew I needed a little encouragement and a reminder of Him. There are those out there who would call it coincidence. But I don't believe in luck or coincidence or chance. I believe in God, the Creator of the universe and all within it, including me. He knows me like no other. He knows my heart, even when I don't. And He put these words here for me today, to uplift me and strengthen me as I go through this journey He has called me to.

Honestly, words fail me. Those who know me, know that's a rare occasion. :) I wish I could describe the flood of joy and comfort I felt as I read this short little devotion. See, like the Children of Israel or the disciples of our Lord, I have felt God's presence in my life so many times. I have felt Him and known Him over and over and over again, yet I still let my human nature get in the way.

God forgive me for that. And thank You so very much for never giving up on me, for loving me and staying right by my side even when I'm distracted and not paying attention to You, Lord. I am blessed beyond measure. I am so thankful for all You have given me, for all You have done for me. Thank you, Lord, for being Who You are!

Remember that God is always in control. All we ever have to do is LET Him work. As the old saying goes, "Let go and let God." Perhaps I should have that tattooed on my forehead. (Just kidding.) But it would do us all good, me especially, to strive every moment of every day to actively seek out God's presence. To hunger for Him with all our heart and soul. As the Bible tells us, "And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind, and with all thy strength: this is the first commandment." Mark 12:30 (KJV)

This is often easier said than done. It takes a devout commitment and dedication that I so often lack. But I want it. Like Paul, I do what I don't want and don't do what I want to do. "And I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. I want to do what is right, but I can’t. I want to do what is good, but I don’t. I don’t want to do what is wrong, but I do it anyway. But if I do what I don’t want to do, I am not really the one doing wrong; it is sin living in me that does it. I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong. I love God’s law with all my heart. But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind. This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin."Romans 7:18-25 (NLT)  Lord, grant me strength to overcome my sinful nature. Give me peace and understanding, courage and endurance. Forgive me for entertaining doubts, for letting anxiety and fear creep into my thoughts. I love and trust You, Lord. I know You are the Author and Finisher of my faith, that You have embraced me as Your beloved child. Thank You for all the blessings You bestow on me each day. Thank You for loving me even when I was unlovable. Thank You for Your great plan of Salvation. I just want to draw nearer to You, to be so close to You that no doubt can enter into me. And Thank you for the wonderful friends You have given me, women of faith who uplift me without even realizing it. They are such great gifts to me! Bless each and every one of them, Lord, as they bless You through their generosity and love. Amen.  Thank you for reading this. I had to post this update because I found God's way of letting me know He's still there and still cares too amazing not to share. He is still on the throne. He is still in control. And there are miracles happening every day, all around us. We can see them if we'll just open our eyes and our hearts to God!