Well, it's finally almost here... chemo. Boy, do I hate to have to do this. Mark's not too excited about it either. In fact, I think he'd rather I didn't do it. He's having a lot of trouble with the illogical aspect of the whole thing. I have cancer... which will kill me if left unchecked, so what do the doctors want to do? Pump me full of POISON that just might kill me, too. There's the potential heart damage, which Mark had finally sort of come to terms with, and then my oncologist mentioned yesterday about how there's also a chance that somewhere down the line I could develop leukemia, too. I could see it on his face. He was ready to jump up, grab me and run for the hills! I was more than aware of the potential side effects, both the ones that can happen during the treatment and those that might not show up for years down the road. I'm not going into this thing with blinders on.
Funny thing is, I haven't ever even really considered not doing the chemo and radiation. It's not that I think the medical profession has all the answers. Not hardly. Hubby's right about the insanity of treating a deadly disease by poisoning the patient. But this is the best medical option at the moment, so it's the one I'm going to go with. What I've just realized is that I haven't really thought about skipping the chemo and rads and just trusting God to heal me and to keep it from ever coming back.
I am absolutely positive that He could do that. I've heard more than one person testify to it first hand. I've heard of people who were told they had months to live and who chose not to go the chemo route, yet who are still alive, and cancer free, years later. God does miracles every single day and I know that. Yet I've never once felt even an inkling of a hint of reservation that the chemo is the right choice for me. I'm not looking forward to it, obviously, but I'm not afraid of it either. God's in control and I guess I'm on the correct path here because He hasn't been warning me to turn around. At least I hope that's the case! I have been known to play deaf, dumb, and blind a few times when He was trying to tell me something important.
Seriously, though, I just think this is the right choice. I'm just praying that I get through it with as little difficulty as possible. I despise being nauseous, and that is an obvious side effect of all the chemos I'll be taking. (There will be 4 in total.) They've already prescribed 3 meds to help combat the nausea though, so Lord willing, that won't be a problem. And the hair loss is a given with this chemo. I've already gotten it all cut off. I hate it, but it's the way things work. In another couple of weeks I won't have any hair at all. [sigh]
As a note about what I think I'll be posting soon, a friend suggested I post some info about the things patients need to know. I'm not sure exactly what to post, yet, but I can tell you that one of the absolute best resources I've come across is the Cancer Survivors Network, which is part of the American Cancer Society. It is an AWESOME site. It is broken down into different boards for different kinds of cancer. Of course I spend all my time on the breast cancer board, but I can only assume all the others are just as great.
It's a place where new, current, and former cancer patients can get together to share tips and stories, to offer encouragement, laughter, and a whole passel of shoulders to lean on when the weight gets to be too much. I have learned so many wonderful and helpful things from them. It is directly because of them that I feel so ready for the chemo to begin. Whatever side effects I might face, I've learned about them all from the women who've been there before me. It makes this whole process so much easier to face!
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